i want to sleep.
but my moments of existence are sprinkled with thoughts.
and selfish, selfish dreams.
for four months, i quietly sat.
awaiting, waiting, really, for not much of a reason.
discussed, settled long ago, yet still.
it never felt complete.
i shun, i hide.
i cant pretend that i do not wish to impose.
im not sure why i am doing all these.
but. i wonder, really, if i would regret?
a friend recently lamented of how around a quarter of our life has already gone past. imagine our next 3/4 going as fast?
i understand, i really do.
for i lament the inevitable, day after day.
thats why i didnt want to lose somethings.
and i fight myself, constantly, every morning, every night.
i disliked pressure, i disliked falsifying, manipulating.
foolishness, wasnt that whose specialty?
i wished, i wished, yet i know reality will differ.
i think, i may have already caused a huge disservice in doing all these thinking.
but then, as 1112 strikes.
all pain and joy returns.
i wish, i could read the future and minds of the world.
its 145am, and with econs tmr, i question this whole existence.
Labels: memory
